I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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