i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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