You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
