I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
