when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
