Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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