I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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