when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
