I looked at my own cervix.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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