So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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