Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
