Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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