Only a mothe r could love this liver
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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