the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
