I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
