Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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