apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
