talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
3pm strippers are depressing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
