blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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