Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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