just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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