She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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