dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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