i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
