Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
