thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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