That's when you crack a 10am beer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
