I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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