The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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