we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
