just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
