I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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