Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
