Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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