Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
