God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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