Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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