I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't deserve a penis
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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