I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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