Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
