Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
