Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Enjoy the penises
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
