i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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