Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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