His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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