If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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