I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
