I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
