I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
