he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
