my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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