Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
