i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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