He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
