There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
