My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
