The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
